Grooming: Awareness of Adult Behaviors 

Youth-serving organizations often emphasize training staff to be aware of the physical symptoms and behavioral signs that children show when they are being sexually abused. But another set of warning signs are often found in the behaviors of perpetrators themselves.

Once an offender selects a potential victim, he or she will prepare for the child’s eventual abuse through a process called grooming. Grooming is a method by which sexual offenders engage children and their caretakers so abuse can occur with minimal risk of detection. Although it’s impossible to describe a “typical” child abuser, there are common patterns of grooming behavior that offenders use to prepare their victims, as well as the victims’ families and communities. Knowledge of these behaviors is an essential aspect of prevention since they typically occur over time and precede the actual act of abuse.

There are four commonly recognized preconditions for child sexual abuse to take place. ¹ The offender must:

1. Have the desire to abuse a child sexually
2. Overcome the internal inhibitions that would ordinarily keep one from acting on sexual desires toward children
3. Have the opportunity to be alone with the child
4. Overcome the child’s resistance

Grooming behaviors target numbers 3 and 4. The process can take as little as a few days to as much as a year (one recent study has placed the average at 1.5 years) ² , but offenders have been shown to be patient in their efforts to gain the trust of everyone involved and avoid being caught. The grooming process has three basic elements that are separate but interrelated. These include the physical and psychological grooming of the child or youth (and family) and grooming of the community. (See the report for details.)

But knowledge is power. As with the physical and behavioral symptoms of child abuse and neglect, these grooming activities and their associated behaviors can also serve as warning signs which, if noticed, can be used to prevent the abuse from occurring or discover the abuse at the earliest possible time.

The behavioral signs of grooming include individuals who:

• Always want to be alone with the child, especially in places that are not easily monitored;
• Discourage other adults from being involved when they are with the child;
• Prefer the company of the child to adults;
• Create opportunities to be alone with the child outside their designated role (for example, as a teacher, coach, etc.);
• “Accidentally” expose themselves to the child on several occasions;
• Allow or encourage a child to do things that parents do not permit;
• Believe that the “rules” do not apply to them;
• Use excessive physical touching with the child—hugging, kissing, tickling, holding—even when the child does not ask for it;
• Demonstrate a great deal of interest in the child’s sexual development;
• Exhibit a lack of respect for the child’s privacy and personal boundaries;
• Show an interest in the child that feels “too good to be true”;
• Use sexual jokes or language or “accidentally” expose the child to pornography;
• Make excessive comments about the child’s developing body;
• Give the child gifts without permission of parents or caretakers, and demand secrecy around these gifts;
• Engage with the child privately via social media, text messages, email, etc., without parents’ knowledge; and
• Minimize concerns about how they are interacting with the child if confronted. 

Knowledge about the scope of the problem, the definitions of the various types of child maltreatment, the symptoms that children and youth exhibit when they are abused, and the predictive behaviors of those who would harm them—these can all help build prevention strategies YSOs can use to protect the children and youth in their care. Codes of conduct focused on encouraging and supporting appropriate behavior—and discouraging or prohibiting inappropriate or harmful behavior—are another tool in this important toolbox. With everyone on the same page, children and youth are safer.

Make no mistake: perpetrators of child sexual abuse are active decision-makers, and they continuously evaluate the likelihood of successfully committing this crime while balancing the odds against the possibility of being caught. Codes of conduct and other Safe Kids Thrive prevention strategies are designed to help YSOs of all sizes change these calculations by sending a public message to would-be offenders: that the likelihood of successfully abusing a child has decreased, while the risks of their behaviors being noticed and reported have increased.

¹ Finkelhor, David. (1984). Child Sexual Abuse: New Theory and Research. New York: The Free Press, 1984.

² Leclerc B. & Cale, J. (2015). Adult sex offenders in youth-oriented institutions: Evidence on sexual victimization experiences of offenders and their offending patterns. Trends & Issues in Crime and Criminal Justice. 497.